her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
