there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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