I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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