I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need a beard to bite.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize