I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
