I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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