You made me cry and you don't even care
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
