Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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