I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
