I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
