you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize