if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
