Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
