So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize