Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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