Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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