it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
