she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
