so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.