You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex