What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
