you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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