I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize