I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
