New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
