now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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