The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
