i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
