I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
