If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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