we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
