What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
