If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
please don't ironically join a cult
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