Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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