It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
