Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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