god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
