Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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