My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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