before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.