the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.