I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.