As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs