DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
