His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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