sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
