I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
