I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..