"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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