OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.