I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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