haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.