I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
