What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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