then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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