i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
