At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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