What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it wasn't lemon gatorade
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
