haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
