And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
