She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
