I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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