I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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