..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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