12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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