i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
