the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
