Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
